It's actually something that I really love doing it. But what I always wanted to do with it was to dance freedomly without being judged. I just want to dance without anyone pointing out my mistakes. I mean to me dance is to express what we really feel. And if we're always being scolded on dancing the wrong steps, it actually just pulls me down, making me lose interest in dance. For instance, I think I'm really a good example, I learn dance in shhk and people there are really good. Compared to them, I'm really nothing. My daily routine on Saturdays will be to get there, dance exam dances, which I really enjoy, den stretching and flips and turns class, which I find it still okay. Probably just 10% of stress occasionally. But the thing that I always dread about every Saturday is actually the lesson after that, which mainly focuses on flexibility, skills, and dance. Which Im really bad at and I know it myself.

Friends encourage me and cheer me up to let me feel less stressed everytime by saying I'm okay but I really know where I myself stand. At the bottom of the step, really. No matter how hard I try, I'm just not up to standards when anyone random one can just dance anyhow-ly without anything wrong. And i swear this is damn depressing. That's why every Saturday I really hate that class and when I used to only join the graded exam dance one, I feel really stressfree and happy. But things have changed now and I really cant do anything about it.

I'd really like to quit, really. No one knows how bad I feel cos no one is ever as bad as me and will never be treated like how I got treated. But I can't because now that I've joined I know it's really hard to get out of it judging from how hard I just have to stop for just a few months. Sigh. I really don't know what to do. I'm already really stressed up academically and now dance - something that's supposed and used to let me relax, is also so goddamn stressed. I think I can just jump down the building anytime.

I just want to be good at it, who doesn't? I've already put in all the best and everything that I could. I just can't do it right, perhaps it's just something not meant for me even tho I started it since kindergarten.

Labels: Can I just get out of this miserable and stressed up world.. )';